Thank God they left!!! I couldn’t wait to get out of that chair and start living like real people. How I would like to go out the door and run in the green parks of this beautiful city called London. Yesterday I heard my parents say that the city was already decorated for Christmas. It would be so nice if we had a White Christmas… It would be nice too, if I could at least look out the window, and see the trees and the roofs of the houses covered with snow.

How children like to make beautiful dolls and how much fun they have by throwing balls at each other. I would love to be a real kid and participate in all these games. I have good memories of the Christmas season, when they made me a doll to be a gift for some rich child. I say rich child, because I was very well dressed. My dress was made of green velvet with a lace collar and cuffs. I wore little patent leather shoes, and my hair was very well kept and always tied with a green and red ribbon.

I’m curious to go out for a bit and play outside, but no luck as my parents took all the keys to the house and almost left me in total darkness. It was even good, because this urge I feel to go out on the street would be impossible to happen. Going to the living room where I thought I could see all these videos that my dad collects wouldn’t be possible either, because I wouldn’t be able to turn on the television. Just as I thought about watching all the specials in preparation for Christmas… I overheard Mama Lucia saying that the television was going to show special movies, and that the programming during Christmas and New Year would be great. What a pity… but, I have other things to investigate in this house looking like my great-grandmother’s time.

How beautiful this room is, all decorated with flowers, family photos and blue and white crockery. On all the shelves in the house my mother has placed books about famous painters. How she likes to read, and spends hours talking to her friend Leonora about this subject. On one of the shelves in the other corner of the room, my mother placed many small cups of the type used in Brazil to drink coffee. It must be a lot of work to clean all those little cups and plates on this piece of furniture, but my mother thinks it’s pretty and has the patience to clean it. I hear everyone who comes here say that this room is very “cosy”. I’m very curious, because I’ve never heard that word. What will be its meaning??? I would so love to know…

I often hear my parents speaking in English over the phone, I get nervous because I don’t understand anything.    

Ha!!!… How lucky!!! Another TV!!! But… I can’t reach the socket, my arm is too short. I forgot that I’m a real doll and that this house wasn’t built for dolls. The only TV that my little arms reached to plug in was the one in the living room, but the room has no light. My bad luck. I don’t mind, as I’m sure I’ll find lots of interesting things to do while my parents are away from home.

The place where I stay at my parents’ house is on top of a beautiful, shiny black chair. It’s in Paula’s room, my parents’ youngest daughter.  Despite liking the chair, I’m already feeling tired of sitting in the same doll-like position, with my arms always outstretched and unable to move. My body is already starting to hurt because the chair is so hard. I never thought that a doll’s body would go crazy too… but mine does. I think it’s because I’m so spoiled. I heard that this chair was refurbished by my father. My dad painted and refurbished the whole chair that was all broken. My father is very skilled. I remember when sometimes while watching television, Paula would take me to stay in the living room with her. How I liked it… I think Paula also likes dolls, otherwise she wouldn’t take me with her. Well, I really don’t know why Paula sometimes took me to the living room, I think what she really didn’t like was being alone.

I know that I am also very beautiful, even without looking in the mirror. Do you know why? Because from time to time, my mother comes close to me, and decorates me as if I were the Christmas tree, which she had not put up this year. On my hat and dress she sewed several little red bows. As she sewed, I kept looking to see what else she was going to put on top of me. Fortunately, my mother has good taste, and my dress and hat were much prettier with the little bows she sewed. My mom doesn’t usually throw anything away and she always uses her creativity in everything she makes. These little bows, which went well with my dress, she received from her English friend Leonora, when she came to visit my mother one day. Leonora called saying she wanted to see the little angel clothes she had made for Stephanie, Rebecca and Caroline, but I think she really wanted to meet me. How pretty Leonora thought I was… I felt it in the way she spoke to my mother. Her eyes actually lit up when she saw me. I think if it were possible she would take me to her house. Around my neck Mom put a bow of bright green ribbon, the way people use it a lot at Christmas time to wrap presents or make ornaments. First she put it on my wrist, but I think it was really good on my neck, because it combined well with my dark face and my almond-colored eyes. Around my wrist like a bracelet, she tied a bow with green and red ribbons in the shape of a flower. When I saw my mother sticking some sticky tape, I thought to myself: Will it hold? But until she got it right. One day my mother came again, and on my wrist she tried to put another ornament, but, luckily, she couldn’t. I think that if she didn’t stop decorating me, I would look like a Christmas tree, but I don’t mind, because I like to look pretty and I’m very vain.

It seems like a lie that I still don’t have shoes… but I don’t miss them, because I don’t walk on the street. By the way, I don’t walk, because I have the life of a doll and I live sitting in this chair. I’m lucky that my feet are always warm, because I’m always sitting next to the heater in Paula’s room. How good it was that I stayed in that room… I really like to look at the computer when they call to pass emails to the children, just so I can see Stephanie, Rebecca and Caroline on the display. I like to see children like me. It’s a pity that they can’t talk to me, because I can’t stand listening to adult matters anymore. I would really like to hear children’s conversations… they are much more interesting. There is! I almost forgot to say that the other day I met Matthew, the youngest grandson of the family. I got scared. While waiting for the computer to work to see the three little girls, a little boy appeared laughing, I immediately thought, it must be Matthew. I was dying to know what he looked like, because I always heard that he was very strong and handsome. I like to listen to my mother reading the e-mails that Claudia sends. What a good mother Claudia is… and how she cried the first few days she had to drop Matthew off at day care. Matthew was only three months old. Now I don’t know when I’ll see my little friends again as I’m sure I’ll be seeing Matthew for a long time. I don’t mind because he has such a beautiful smile… I also met Paula and Mark in a photograph they sent over the computer. How happy they were in the photo… I felt like talking to Paula, and saying that I’m not going to make a mess in her room. Every time I think of making a little mess, I see Paula looking at me from the pictures hanging on the wall. How much I would like to have Paula in the future as my mother. Can you imagine me living in Pittsburgh!!! I heard that the city is beautiful and very cultural. When I hear this cultural word, I wonder what it means. For me, being just a doll, it seems like a very important word. My mother always says that a person with culture is a person of great value and always wins in life.

As soon as my parents left I ran to the kitchen. I forgot to say that when there are no real people around me, I can walk, jump and move like people. How happy I feel… I couldn’t take any more hunger, and I was anxious to see what they had left for me in the cupboards and in the fridge. Did you know that dolls are also hungry? I think that my being hungry like real people must have been some fairy’s magic when I was made by that nice old man looking like Pinocchio’s father. Luckily the hunger in the doll only tightens when no one is around. That’s when she becomes real people, and lives in the happy world of her dreams.

Good, I made it to the kitchen. What a beautiful kitchen!!! All tastefully decorated with blue and white crockery. I enjoyed walking on the fluffy rug that covers the entire floor of the apartment. I never go to the end of the apartment, as I find it too big and difficult to move with my little doll steps. But… am I getting lazy too??? What is this Charlotte!!!

The first thing I’m going to do is open the fridge. Our!!! It’s almost empty!!! How did they manage to eat it all??? I see there’s nothing left but eggs, a strawberry yogurt and Coke. Too bad, the only thing I really like is fruit juices, which are much healthier. If I liked coca-cola, I couldn’t drink it either. How would I open the bottle!!!  I remember when my mother asked my father to open it because she didn’t have the strength. Is there anything left in the fruit and vegetable drawer? Let me see. Who knows, maybe I’ll find a little fruit. Yay!!! How lucky I found a red apple!!! It’s not my favorite, but with how hungry I am, I’ll even find it very tasty. I like very sour fruits like green apples, but… not sour like lemons. Fortunately I can see a water filter here, I won’t die of thirst. I hope they at least left the filter full. I’m remembering that Mom is addicted to a cereal, especially at night when she has insomnia. I hope I find some open box so he doesn’t find I’ve been walking around the kitchen. I always listen when he wakes up at night and goes out looking for something to eat. My mother says that after she eats, she falls asleep right away. I think that if my mother got up and went to read a book waiting for sleep to come, she would sleep the same way. Fortunately I’m a doll, I don’t suffer from insomnia, and I don’t go through these problems that many people go through.

I’m going to pull a chair to give height and be able to open the  cabinets that are stuck very high. Great!!! I managed to climb on the chair and reach the closet!!! Will I be able to open it? It was even easier than I thought, as I don’t have much strength in my hands. I often forget that I am just a tiny and very delicate doll.  

Let me continue looking for some food soon, because hunger is getting closer and I can’t find anything interesting to eat. I hope I find a nice little food in that cupboard. So far I have only found bottles of different sizes and all very clean, but… empty!!! I’ll look in the cans behind the glass and see if I can find anything inside. The first one is empty… and the second one? It’s completely empty too. Great!!! Luckily I found what I wanted… another box of cereal, as I said, my mother’s favorite food. I hear when my father gets angry, saying that this is not healthy food for his age. But, as she says, it’s not hard work and it’s what she likes to eat. I hear everything from my room, because Dad’s voice is very strong, especially when he calls someone’s attention. My father always looks like he’s fighting, but he’s not, he’s just helping, because that kind of food is only good for dolls like me, who don’t get sick. Dolls only get sick when their owner doesn’t take good care of them, but I think I’ll live for many, many years, because I am treated with all affection as if I were a real daughter. If I were my real parents’ daughter, I would always try to be really nice to them. I think that all children should not only be good, but also love and respect their parents a lot.

I’m going to open this other closet. It doesn’t cost anything to try, maybe I’ll find something more interesting. I wasn’t lucky. I only see two cans of soup, but I’m glad I can’t open cans, because I hate soup with bacon and lentils like the one in the cupboard. Yay!!! There’s a white powder in that glass!!! At last I found something, and it appears to be powdered milk. Just mix it with water and I’ll be well fed. There should be enough milk for a week depending on how much water I mix in. I’m also looking at a box of raisins, a box of Brazilian Melitta coffee, a box of powdered chocolate and this lasagna that’s on the highest rack. It must be from the time when Paula lived with them. I heard when my father said that before traveling he had to finish off the lasagna that Paula had bought. After all, it was left over. I’m going to move to the other side of the sink and open another cupboard. I have to be very careful, because if I fall and I can’t get back to my shiny black chair, they’ll find out that I walked around the house, and turned into a person while they were gone. I reach for the cupboard… another disappointment, all I see is oil, salt, bay leaf, pepper and unhealthy condiments. Does my mother use all of these? Pepper is so bad… I think it’s better to look in the fridge again, maybe I’ll find something in the freezer. Wow, how lucky!!! Peaches and ice cream!!! I also see a pot that I hadn’t seen before… I wonder what’s inside. Christmas Cake!!! another disappointment, I only see oil, salt, bay leaf, pepper and condiments which are not healthy. Does my mother use all of these? Pepper is so bad… I think it’s better to look in the fridge again, maybe I’ll find something in the freezer. Wow, how lucky!!! Peaches and ice cream!!! I also see a pot that I hadn’t seen before… I wonder what’s inside. Christmas Cake!!! another disappointment, I only see oil, salt, bay leaf, pepper and condiments which are not healthy. Does my mother use all of these? Pepper is so bad… I think it’s better to look in the fridge again, maybe I’ll find something in the freezer. Wow, how lucky!!! Peaches and ice cream!!! I also see a pot that I hadn’t seen before… I wonder what’s inside. Christmas Cake!!! With fruit the way I like it and covered in sugar… I’m going to get all this out of the freezer soon, just so I don’t have to climb on the chair again. It was very difficult to climb because it is very heavy, and the closet is very high. I’m going to look in the fridge some more. No… coffee powder!!! I’ve never seen coffee powder stored in the fridge. I bet this is a thing of the past, and that my mother learned from her grandmother.

I think it’s good for me to walk around the house and try to have a little fun. I know that I will continue to discover very interesting things. I remember how much my parents already worked before starting this trip back to Rio. One of the rooms was full of suitcases, gifts and many beautiful souvenirs with Barbie’s name. My parents had heard that Stephanie and Rebecca were enjoying wearing anything with the Barbie name on it, so they looked to suit their wishes. From where I sat, I could see how beautiful Barbie Angel’s clothes turned out. Along with the outfit, my mother put on silver wings and crowns that she luckily found in one of the shops on Oxford Street. How beautiful they will look dressed as little angels… I think, really funny, Caroline will look dressed as a Christmas Tree. I feel Too bad I can’t go to Brazil. I always heard my mother say that, if she had space, she would take me so the girls could get to know me. Who knows, maybe on the next trip I’ll go.

How my mom left her room tidy!!! All the pencils are sharpened, the Christmas cards that arrived are organized and the folder is in order. Nothing was out of place. I’m going to look around the living room, maybe I’ll find some interesting book, whether it’s art, history, or something with pictures. I wonder what’s in those thick pink books??? I see that it has some numbers… and they look heavy, but, carefully, I manage to get them off the shelf. Wow!!! They are beautiful albums with photos and flowers!!! Are many!!! Can I see them all in three weeks??? I think I’m going to find out everything about my parents’ lives. That’s what I wanted to know, about their background and where they came from. I’ll start with the last one, because it’s easier to get. What a surprise!!! A photo of me in the album!!! I never thought she would put a picture of me in one of her albums. My mother must love me very much. I remember when she took this picture, I heard her say that she wanted to send it to Stephanie, Rebecca and Caroline. She wanted to show how well cared for I was, and thus teach them how they should take care of their dolls. I found a good way to educate girls. I think I also wanted to show how happy I am living in this beautiful house… I still remember when I lived in a box with other old and dirty dolls. How many weeks and weeks I spent on the street, on dusty tables and no one bought me. I remember very well, that it was on a day of strong winds and it was very cold, when my new mother appeared. I sensed at once that she was in a hurry, and indeed she was, for I had made an appointment with my father at the corner of the next street. She would pick me up several times and put me back on the table, but I could tell from her smile that she had really taken a liking to me. I was shaking with fear that she wouldn’t take me. I was happy when I finally listened when she asked how much I cost, and naturally, as she always does, after haggling a bit she hurried me home. How happy I felt, when everyone on the bus thought I was pretty, and she was also happy, looking like a big child, she said she had bought me for her granddaughters. as he always does, after haggling a bit he hurried me home. How happy I felt, when everyone on the bus thought I was pretty, and she was also happy, looking like a big child, saying that she had bought me for her granddaughters. as he always does, after haggling a bit he hurried me home. How happy I felt, when everyone on the bus thought I was pretty, and she was also happy, looking like a big child, saying that she had bought me for her granddaughters. 

Nossa!!! Não tinha reparado nos dois cachorrinhos e naquela caixa linda toda enfeitada com rendinhas brancas!!! Vou abrir a caixa e ver o que tem dentro… Chocolates!!! E completamente cheia!!! Eu sabia que haveria de encontrar algum chocolate na casa, pois meus pais não querem engordar, mas vivem nas lojas comprando várias caixas de chocolates. Principalmente meu pai. Escuto sempre os dois falando lá da sala, quando minha mãe o chama carinhosamente de diabinho, pois fica tentando minha mãe com um pedaço de chocolate. Imagino que ela não deve resistir, pois vive se queixando que está gorda. Que sorte, já não preciso pensar em comida. Esses bombons vão me alimentar até o dia que voltarem. Mas, havia esquecido o mais importante. Quando voltarem e não acharem os bombons, os pêssegos, o leite e tudo mais que eu comer??? Como vai ser??? Tenho uma boa idéia… mamãe vai dizer que foi o papai, papai vai dizer que foi a amãe, e vai ficar aquela discussão danada. Eu só vou ficar ouvindo e rindo. Mas, acho que afinal vai dar tudo certo. Vou tratar de ver os álbuns e comer esses chocolates que parecem deliciosos. Pela caixa posso sentir que foram comprados em uma das lojas mais antigas e caras de Londres. Em cima da tampa tem escrito a palavra “appointment”, que significa que é aprovado pela rainha mãe, pela rainha Elizabeth II, pelo príncipe Philip e pelo Charles. Significa também, que o produto é de boa qualidade e que as pessoas podem comprar sem susto. E a comida que eu comer na cozinha??? Fico até assustada caso descubram que andei pela casa. Acho também que não vai haver problema. Na véspera de viajar minha mãe foi dormir bem cedo, e, como ela sabe, o meu pai gosta muito de ficar mastigando algo até a hora de dormir. Assim, acho que vai ficar tudo resolvido, pois ela vai pensar que ele comeu o que havia sobrado na cozinha. Bem… Só espero que comendo essa caixa de chocolates inteirinha eu não vá passar mal. Há!!! Esqueci uma coisa muito importante, de que boneca não fica doente como pessoas de verdade quando come muito chocolate.

I think this story is already too long. I think it’s good to finish, otherwise nobody will want to read until the end. I’m sad because my parents left and I’m alone, but being alone every now and then is really nice. There is nothing better than that a person can live freely, and be able to do what he wants. No???

During the flight London-Rio, 19.12.97

MARIA LUCIA DA COSTA