But what can I do? I always thought that I would be the only one who could replace the emptiness that my mother felt when her Três Marias, as she called her three daughters Teresa Maria, Claudia Maria and Paula Maria, got married, as well as her son Carlos Eduardo, and went to live far away. her. I think I was being very presumptuous, and I started to lose my princess of the house pretty soon after Happy appeared. It’s been a few weeks since my mother has been near me because she’s so busy, especially now that she’s started using the Internet. Even though I’m a doll, I’m already getting familiar with this modern world where real people live. While she used the computer I didn’t mind, while she was busy with Happy too. But to think of starting a new family and bringing a doll from the street that isn’t made of china like me, doesn’t have hair with golden braids like mine and wearing a dress that isn’t made of fabric and decorated with lace like mine!! ! This bothers me a lot.

I never thought there was a doll made of such elaborate and colorful wool. From where I sit, I can see how my mother took care of her when she got home, and how patiently she sewed up every bit of wool that had come out of her clothes and hair. For a long time I heard my mother say that I needed to have a little sister. I thought that at least I was going to buy a doll that looked like me, but… a knitted doll!!! I really didn’t like it, but who am I to give a guess if I can’t even talk to people!!! I commented only to Feliz, and he, smiling as always, because his face was made like that, said he didn’t mind if she stayed close to him, as long as she didn’t start pulling his straws and end up with those fake legs he was so proud of.

Happy thought she was very happy, because in addition to being very colorful with her flowery hat, she always had a basket full of mushrooms. He remembered the time when he was a real scarecrow, and when every now and then he would escape from his watch post to steal mushrooms from the plantations of the owner of the farm where he lived. How he liked mushrooms… especially when they were very white. Feliz tells many funny stories about the time he lived on that farm like a real scarecrow.

The days went by, and I had to learn to live with that nuisance that my mother called Florida. Florida was hanging right above the closet where I used to sit with Feliz, and with her head down, she was looking at me the whole time, seeming to want to take care of everything I did. I was already getting irritated. Did you know that dolls also get irritated? I usually stay. Luckily from where it was hanging I couldn’t see it, which was a good thing. Sometimes when my parents went out, Feliz and I would sneak out of where we were staying and take the opportunity to play a little. The place we most liked to play was on top of the couch. We jumped so hard that Happy’s straw legs almost broke. We looked like we were playing on top of a horse. I remember when we spent the whole morning playing. It was so good… We also really enjoyed playing on the little porch that was close to the living room. From where we were we could see the sky and the street, giving the impression that we were living with other people. Fortunately, Florida never took part in our games, as she was always stuck at the top, and getting out of her position was very difficult. How I liked playing with just Feliz… Feliz with her heart of gold felt sorry for her, but I didn’t, because my jealousy grew every day. Florida, in addition to not being pretty, had a very round face, a red and pointed nose. I don’t know how my mom could like her enough to bring her into our house.

Always sitting in the same doll position, I remember when I watched the movie The Wizard of Oz. At the moment I feel like I’m in the middle of the hurricane that carried Dorothy away to the enchanted world. Only, Dorothy arrived in the enchanted world, following a yellow road full of wildflowers while singing happily and dancing with her three friends, the fearful lion, the tin man and a scarecrow that looked a little like Happy. My world, unfortunately, was very different from Dorothy’s enchanted world, because my dreams never came true, and now I had to be friends with that doll they decided to call Florida. There were times when my parents traveled, I thought they were going to take me to Rio, spend Christmas with them, and that way I could meet the three little dolls of the family… their granddaughters. Last year they went to the United States and I didn’t go either, and now I hear they’re going to travel again, because a baby is going to be born in the family and not even this time they’re going to take me. I think my world is quite different from Dorothy’s enchanted world, isn’t it? In addition to not taking me, they got me this new sister that I can’t seem to like.

One day, I started planning a way to get rid of her and go back to being the only doll in the house next to Happy. I spent my days thinking, because in the position I was in, thinking was my only distraction. I thought so much that I started to have rather macabre thoughts, and I used to always comment with Feliz. Happy, naturally, he would immediately reproach me and say that these were not the thoughts of a person who seemed to be as good and friendly to everyone as I had ever been, and tried to convince me to like Florida in the same way that I liked him. But, I couldn’t, and every day the desire to see Florida away from me increased. It was then that when I heard that my parents were going away, I immediately thought that this would be the best time to carry out my plans, especially after my mother placed a very long plastic bag on the furniture where we were staying. . If my mother could only imagine how sad I felt… My face began to heat up, and I thought that the exaggerated care my mother was taking was just so as not to soil the wool from which her beautiful Florida was made.

With the plastic right next to my face, I became more and more muffled, because I wasn’t used to living like this. I started thinking about getting rid of Florida for real. What I was planning I knew wasn’t right, so I didn’t say anything to Feliz. I knew that Feliz, who wished no one harm, would not approve of what I was planning. Florida was made entirely of wool, and… if I started to pull a thread of wool from her garment, the knitting would come undone and Florida could easily turn into a little ball. This little ball could roll, and disappear through the apartment door when it was open. I think that would be a good plan. When my parents arrived and didn’t find her, they might even think she had… well, I have to think about this problem, the reason Florida was going to disappear. She couldn’t go out the door, as she was too short to reach the key, going through the letter box was not possible, as she was chubby, and jumping through the window would be impossible, as Florida was very happy. There is!!! I found a solution. I remember when I heard my mother say that before traveling she would leave the apartment key with the doorman, because someone was coming to see a fault in the washing machine. This would be a good time for the ball of yarn to roll out of the apartment. Usually those people who usually come to do repairs in our houses always leave the door open. After thinking about everything, I was just waiting for the day my parents were going to travel.

One day, as we always did when we were alone, Feliz and I walked around the apartment to play a little. This time, while we were playing, I called Feliz, and immediately came up with the idea of ​​taking Florida away from where it used to be and starting my plans. It wasn’t easy climbing the closet but we made it to Florida. While Feliz was distracted looking out the window, I called Florida to hide us behind the sofa, so there was no danger of Feliz finding us. Florida was very happy, as I had never invited her to play, and promptly accepted my invitation. I immediately started to pull a little tip of the wool of his shoe, pretending I was playing. Florida, feeling very happy, immediately gave me both feet. But, undoing the knitting wasn’t as easy as I thought, because Florida had been very well knitted and I couldn’t find a way to quickly start my plan… to end her life soon.

Time passed and Happy began to miss us. He started looking for us, and found us just as I was trying to undo the knitting by pulling a thread from his hat. Happy was surprised by what he saw, and immediately pulled Florida close to him. Something that had never happened to Feliz happened at that very moment… the smile that Feliz always had on his face, completely disappeared. When I noticed Feliz’s sad look, I was so embarrassed that I quickly looked to the side and didn’t have the courage to look into his eyes anymore. Feliz had realized the harm I was trying to do to Florida. I got out from behind the sofa, and went to sit as usual in my doll position, very regretful and ashamed of what I was planning. I started thinking about what I was going to do with my future. Happy didn’t say anything because he didn’t want Florida to notice what was happening. Happy didn’t trust me anymore, and who knows, he wouldn’t be my friend anymore. I couldn’t stop thinking about how I could want so badly a person who had always been kind to me, and thus, I felt even more unhappy. I spent many days in silence, and when I looked at Feliz I noticed that he was still sad. I couldn’t hurt Florida, but I hurt my best and only friend, and myself, because more than anyone I was suffering from regret. Our life has changed a lot, and our games are over. We never went to climb together on the garbage can to look at the street again. In the mirror where I liked so much to see my golden braids, I never went to see myself again. One day, thinking about what I had done so much, I thought it would be better to talk to Feliz about my regrets, and apologize to Florida for what I had tried to do. I was very worried about their reaction, as they might not forgive me, but I took courage and did so. I’ve always heard that when a person hurts another, he should go to that person and show his regret in some way, apologizing or preferably giving him a little flower. That’s what happened on that day that was very special to me. To my relief they both hugged and forgave me. What made me the most happy at that moment was being able to see Feliz smile again and see Florida with her little red and pointy nose, holding the little basket of flowers and smiling at me too.

I decided to tell this little story, to show the children that we should never want to hurt a little friend. We must also show that we must always forgive when a friend comes to talk to us that he is sorry for some wrong he has done to us.

At that moment, Feliz and Florida’s gesture served as an example not only for children, but also for adults who close their hearts and never manage to forgive.

 Flight London/Miami, 31.09.98

MARIA LUCIA DA COSTA